I have been eyeing my blog app for a while thinking that its time for me to out something up there. To make a statement. There are a lot of thoughts churning in my mind about life, love, faith and some many other topics that I feel like I am standing in a crowd. You know what you're in the midst of people, silent but unable to hear yourself think.
This is why I haven't been really vocal until tonight because I didn't feel like I would be able to sort through all the different thing that I am thinking.
First off, I have decide that it might be time to make a career change. Bold move, I know but also the scariest process that I will endeavor. For most people, at some point in life, you had a plan. A straight sheet with all you wanted, needed to and even if you go through it in no specific order you are slowly ticking off item from your plans and adding new things. Stuff you want to try, to live and succeed at.
For myself, plans don't always work out because I am such an anxious person. Despite my impulsiveness and willingness to work hard at anything I do, it starting something that is the breaking point. Right now, I can assure you that I am decided and will be making that change however I am still unsure. Like I may be messing with the natural order of something. What do you think???
That being said that at least one area of my life that I am able to visualize in the future. Again, coming back to the plan, I feel like half of mine isn't right or is missing. Like you know that there is more, should be more to your life but when sifting through you find that there is something lacking, maybe not completely there.
All single ladies may be feeling this way, to some extent. Because even if you are accomplished, made a career for yourself, conquered stereotype by raising a family alone, despite that level of success if I may say. There is still a missing element that can only be attained by finding someone to share more with.
Those who know me, definitely know that I don't have standards. In the sense that I don't look at a list to know if I will feel a connection with someone. For me, it felt, lived. You should feel it in your bones, as some would say. Unfortunately, I have come to learn that two people have to feel the same in order to ignite some chemistry.
Sadly, it needs to be the right moment, that time when it seems like everything is simply falling into place. Tell me how do you know when that happen, how do you know how long you should wait for that moment. I have come to a point where I have started to over-analyze myself and my emotions. What is real, what is only fleeting, can I trust myself and what I believe in?
I can certainly tell you this: falling in and out of love is not a fun thing. That's when you start second guessing everything you stand for. Whether you have been hurt in the process or you have decide that something wasn't right for you, there is the level of uncertainty that will never stop nagging your conscience.
So there it is, I'm out of the closet...! ( not in the literal sense) what I mean is that now you know that I am a pessimist, a doubter. I can honestly tell you that I am the most hopeless romantic ever created and I am sure you have heard that before, lolll!
Despite being this way, I can't help but feel jaded about Love. I gone through hoops, to hell and back and I feel like I may have missed the train. My moment may have come and gone.
Dint worry, I'm still not ready to become an old maid but I can say, without any hesitation that I need to be smacked upside the head literally...lolll!!
Funny, you're thinking. Definitely!!! Are you thinking of some people who may need that wake up moment? Well i am too.
What difficult is going through the motions and seeing others do the same and realizing that we are all on that boat together. Not only that but how can we not be discouraged when you look around and see so little realness between couples... Ask yourself this... Do you want love like you want a shirt, a dog or a job or do you need it like you need to breathe and live?
Last question, what do you need from it???
Night
Xoxo
